Talking About Sex Toys With Your Partner

It can seem awkward and daunting to discuss sex toys with your partner if you have never used them in your relationship.

However, having sex toys in a conversation can improve communication and sexual pleasure.

“Many people report that using sex toys helps inject novelty into long-term partnerships and their mere existence can help to open lines of communication with regard for desires, boundaries and likes and dislikes,” Jess O’Reilly (sex and relationship expert), host of the Podcast.

These are expert-approved tips to communicate with your partner and introduce sex toys to the relationship.

1. Instead of complaining, frame your wishes as requests

If you avoid offending your partner, they will be more open to the idea of sex toys. You may be sensitive to your partner’s sexual performance. Make sure you frame it as something to do together and not as a replacement for their body.

O’Reilly advises that you avoid using your communication to criticize or complain. The following is her recommendation:

  • Begin with the positive.
  • Send an inquiry
  • Send a request to include your partner.

Take, for example:

  • It was amazing how it felt last night…
  • You might be interested in buying a toy.
  • I would love to use a vibrator for sex with your company.

2. Please share your feelings

Wright suggests that you share your feelings about using sex toys in addition to sharing your desires.

She suggests something like:

  • “I am excited about the possibility that Xtoy will be brought into our lives.”
  • “I’m nervous about sharing toys that look good to me.

Make sure you are sharing an authentic emotion with your partner and don’t be afraid of sharing it.

Rachel Wright, New York City-based sex therapist, says, “It’s really essential to communicate your emotions (partner(s)), not just your thoughts.”

3. Be direct, but open to compromise

Take a moment to reflect on your true desires and sit down with yourself. Tell your partner what you want and ask them how they feel.

Wright says, “It’s a combination being direct and assertive about what you want with the flexibility to compromise by asking how other people feel about it.”

You could ask your child what their opinion is about a particular toy or toy type. This allows for a two-way conversation that considers both your needs.

4. Find a toy that you can play with together

The toy hunt should be a team experience.

O’Reilly recommends that you both check out toys online together. You can then get a sense of what each person is interested in and you can make a decision together.

You can also make plans to meet up at a local sex shop and pick out a toy.

“Many employees are well-trained in helping you choose the right toy. Wright says that it can be a great bonding experience to find, buy, clean, and use the toy.

Insider’s takeaway

You can make your relationship more enjoyable and have a better male oral sex toy experience. These tips can help you communicate openly with your partner and improve your sex life.